


El Paseo

by estriel



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Fluff, Goodbyes, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-17
Updated: 2019-08-17
Packaged: 2020-09-06 05:49:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20286424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/estriel/pseuds/estriel
Summary: Leaving Toronto doesn't feel that hard. Until it does.





	El Paseo

**Author's Note:**

> My Spanish is so-so, but I have been told that in Spanish, the word _el paseo_, or the verb _pasear_, is not simply about taking a stroll - it's about enjoying the journey and knowing that you are coming back home later. Thus the inspiration for this fic - thank you, @MsDaring, for providing me with such lovely prompts, as well as insight into Japanese greetings. :)

The first time Javi has to leave Toronto, a couple of weeks after the PyeongChang Olympics, he does not really dwell on it too much. He packs up his flat, sheds a tear or two over the empty state of it once the moving service carries away the last of his boxes. But then he hands back the keys… and he is off to head to Spain as if it was just any other summer, any other off-season.

There is a certain sadness to it, yes, but Javi knows he will be coming back. He has decided already – a seventh European title to crown his career, one last competition… _Then_ it will be time to leave, to truly leave. That is when he will need all his strength.

“Ittekimasu”, he tells Yuzu as they hug in the parking lot in front of Cricket Club just before Javi is due to leave for the airport.

Yuzu’s fingers tighten against his back; Javi can feel his t-shirt bunch up where Yuzu is holding on to it.

“Iterasshai,” Yuzu responds when he pulls away a fraction, a small smile on his face, a complex emotion in his eyes. His arms are still wrapped around Javi’s shoulders.

_Please come back_, Javi knows the phrase means. Miki had taught him many things, and the ways around Japanese greetings have stuck with him until this day.

Then Yuzu lets go. That is the moment Javi feels the weight of it all. He stares at Yuzu, at the face and body he knows by heart by now, from thousands of shared practices and at least half as many little moments that make up the mosaic of their friendship. He may not miss his apartment once he is gone, or even the Cricket Club… but he will miss this. _Him. _

“I will,” he mumbles as he slides his hands down Yuzu’s sides, then finally drops them and takes a step back. It is harder than he had expected.

*

_I just miss Javi_.

It is just Brian’s voice, just a little anecdote from the club that he is recounting in an interview. It should not mean much, maybe simply make him smile.

And yet it plucks at Javi’s heart, robs him off his sleep, makes his chest feel leaden for days.

It is as if Yuzu had taken Javi’s own feelings and voiced them, put into words what Javi has been thinking ever since he stepped on that plane several months ago.

_I miss you. I will always miss you. I don’t know what to do with myself. I don’t know how to live without you. _

*

The second time Javi has to leave Toronto makes him feel sick to his stomach, and even more so in his heart. It is like tearing at something that is still very much alive inside his chest. Carving his final goodbye into the Cricket ice makes his body feel weak, his legs shaky. Saying goodbye to Brian, to Tracy and Ghislain, and everyone else at the club, makes Javi cry.

Saying goodbye to Yuzu…

Javi can’t do it. They stand there, looking at each other stupidly in the orange glow of the streetlight, their feet getting wet and cold from the slush on the ground.

“I should go,” says Yuzu for the third time. Javi is about to nod just like he did the first two times, trying to be sensible. But then, unlike the first two times, Yuzu steels himself and actually moves.

The panic rises up inside Javi like a sudden wave. It chokes him, makes his heart stumble over itself. It is instinct: the hand that reaches out, the fingers that close around Yuzu’s wrist.

“Don’t,” he croaks, quiet and lost and confused. It shouldn’t feel like this. It shouldn’t feel like his heart might shatter into a thousand pieces and never become whole again. Because he and Yuzu are friends, have always been friends, can stay friends across the distance.

Except that is not true. It has not been true in a long while, and for the first time Javi lets himself see it. It has not been true since Javi’s eyes started straying to Yuzu’s lips whenever they talked, since Javi’s hands began to linger on Yuzu’s waist and nape and back for way longer than necessary. It has been years, now that he thinks about it. Years of watching, and wanting, and wondering…

“Why?” Yuzu asks and meets Javi’s eyes, the challenge in his gaze clear as day.

Javi takes a breath. He could make a joke out of it, say something light and inconsequential like always.

But that would be it, he knows. Yuzu would nod, step away, keep his polite distance, douse the fire that is flickering in his eyes. That would be the end… and Javi is not ready for this journey to be over.

“Because I miss you,” he whispers past the tightness in his throat. “Because I don’t want to - I can’t be without you. Because I want you.”

Yuzu seems to release a breath, everything about him suddenly softening as he steps forward and into Javi’s embrace once again. Except this time Yuzu doesn’t stop, just leans closer, and closer, until Javi can feel his breath on his own lips, until the cold tips of their noses bump together.

“Okaerinasai,” Yuzu whispers. _Welcome home_. Then he kisses Javi, warm and velvety, hands curled around Javi’s neck, his body molding into Javi’s the way Javi knew it would, like a puzzle piece clicking into place.

In that moment, Javi knows that no matter how far he may go, no matter where life may take him, he will always have this. A _home_ to come back to.


End file.
